At times we pass our own boundaries easily. We pass them as if we do it all the time and have no idea how to undo the motion. You'll adjust yourself to make others happy and wonder why you're not succeeding in reaching your mission. Your focus is not where it's supposed to be and it can be challenging to find your voice in the static. The first thing I had to learn when I started working towards my life mission was to stay focused on what makes me happy. It's so easy to take care of everyone else but the trick is to work the other way around. Make yourself happy first and then you switch back and give others what they need. A big healing moment for me was the subject of self-love. I found myself stuck in over-giving without being able to receive. It was a challenging time for me because I was ready to grow but didn't know how to allow it to happen.
I can buy shoes for my kids because I feel they need three pairs and not even have one pair of my own because "I don't need them". The main reason I feel resistance towards buying myself something is because I need something. In these moments I have to choose what I need and I struggle with it at times. When I first discovered I couldn't even buy myself eyeliner I knew I needed to make a change- just imagine walking out the store with tears in your eyes because you just spend € 11 euro on yourself! I needed to learn this painful lesson of not loving myself enough and get better at it. It wasn't only about the eyeliner, it was about being able to accept what the Universe was trying to send which in this case was abundance. I didn't have to live a hard life there was enough and I needed to learn how to enjoy it. Back then I didn't know how to care for myself. All I knew was what others needed and how to make sure they were happy. Even if that meant that it didn't make me happy. The first time someone told me I needed to start setting healthy boundaries I didn't even know where to start.
I started with small boundaries, like telling the kids that they needed to grab their own spoons. Then I learned that on Sunday it's my day to sleep in. I had a voice and I was allowed to use it, was a big one for me. Not because I wasn't allowed to speak but I never chose to which wasn't working for me. Now I set boundaries which are a little hard for others. I won't allow you to change the mood I'm in which means that if I notice you're not in alignment with yourself I can come on strong. I also don't tolerate anything that triggers me for a long period. This can be negative self-talk or others having negative conversations such as gossip. It doesn't mean I'm perfect. I still catch myself listening to gossip and feeding on it but it's that moment where I realize it's not working for me I tune out and change it. You can feel it's not where you wish to be and there are so many different subjects to discuss.
When I started setting healthy boundaries the resistance from my inner circle was huge. There were moments where I felt guilty for setting boundaries but I needed to learn this lesson for me. When I was able to set boundaries I actually started giving more and showing up more for those who needed me. I was able to give value which is important for me. You get this feeling you shouldn't ask for something or you shouldn't say anything but there's a reason why it keeps coming up for you. I catch myself putting others needs first but then I correct myself and re-assess the situation. I ask myself:,, is this really necessary?" The kids always make it seem like it's a matter of life and death and my husband usually just needs me to "grab something real quick." But when I'm "working" I say NO. It's a simple answer and it gives everyone a clear idea of the structure I've placed in the house. Everyone needs to learn how to care for themselves first and when you need help you ask for it. It takes so much of your energy to keep giving all the time.
Pay attention to your body.
When you start taking steps towards your life mission you have all the energy in the world. You woke up one day with this idea and you thought you could be successful it. You serve others and you give what they need without asking any questions but then this moment comes where you've got nothing to show for. You didn't get the money you thought you were going to make nor did you find the ideal client that loves your stuff and helps you find other clients.
All you have to show for is an empty bank account, an empty body and a whole lot of people that need your attention. What went wrong and how did you get here? When we start with our mission most of the time we don't pay attention to what our body is telling us. Think of the last time you were exhausted. How did you respond to this? Did you force yourself to keep moving forward or di you take a break?
Are you allowed to take a break?
When you keep pushing yourself, even though the body said to take a break, you'll keep running against the same wall. I've learned from experience that every time I am overworked I tend to break down all the foundation I've built. This usually means I start changing my website or I don't put in any work in creating amazing content. It creates a problem when you're not focused on what's important to you. You're distracted by everything around you. Take a break when you feel this way and challenge yourself to find your voice again. When we learn how to listen to our body we aren't afraid to take breaks. We aren't afraid to say no which gives you the opportunity to set healthy boundaries.
If you work with clients hourly understand you need time to charge. You can't expect yourself to keep moving if you can't take a break and care for yourself. Find the balance between moving and being still. Standing still doesn't mean that nothing happens. What happens is you learn how to be successful while enjoying time for yourself. I love to spend time with the kids knowing I can just be myself.
When you become consistent.
You tend to be more relaxed when you become consistent. As you learn how to let go more and learn how to move forward without always having to sit down and do something, you've hit gold. Every Sunday I sit down and I plan my week ahead. I write down all appointments and I schedule my "to-do's". It helps me to create an overview of what's important for me and what needs to get done. I cannot stress enough the value of consistency and when you do it you will inspire others to do the same. I was always all over the place and worse I never finished anything.
I sabotaged myself because I kept telling myself the job I was doing wasn't important enough. The world didn't need my words. All I did was stall and make sure that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do which was taking care of my myself and being present for my family. I was always doing one or the other but I was never able to balance both. I lost my overview because I wasn't consistent which put me in a bad position. Because I wasn't consistent I kept telling myself that I didn't deserve to have a mission which ultimately brought me down.
You will bring yourself down.
When you start with negative self-talk it's easy to give up because your reality will start reflecting what you fear. It's at that moment the fear of failure comes up and you keep circling in a negative space. It's so easy to give up in that moment because you don't have the will power to keep moving forward. When everything around you is telling you that you need to quit it's easy to throw in the towel. You will always doubt yourself. It's a fact. But don't doubt yourself because you're tired and feeling low.
If you feel you need a break take a break but don't start breaking down foundations that weren't ready to be broken. Sometimes it's self-sabotage and it hurts to find your hard work gone and you having to start over. You're special and you can do so much good. Take your time! When it's time to take a break then take a break and don't feel bad about it. You don't have to feel guilty because you're taking time but understand you need it. At times when you take time out, you actually become more creative because you're more relaxed.
There are three fundamental steps that you can take in order for you to really put yourself out there.
1. Be yourself.
Don't let anything stop you from doing things differently. You are who you are and you need what you need. At times I can't even bring myself to stay up till ten o'clock and I go to bed early. Sometimes I even fall asleep on the couch. Not because I'm lazy but because my body needs a break. Then when I'm rested I sit behind the laptop and type up a storm. It's the balance between moving and surrendering. They are both equally important and it's amazing when you start working this way.
Do what works for you and don't be afraid to show it.
2. Take a break.
When your body tells you it's time to take a break make sure you do. Don't force yourself to do something you can't. A lot of times when I force myself to work I'm not a 100% thrilled about the outcome. It doesn't make me happy and I tend to get stuck faster. Being able to find the balance is what works for me. When I'm tired or I've overstepped my boundaries I go back to step one which is building the foundation. I don't break down walls before I've taken a step back. I did in the past and I regret a lot of moments! When I take a break there's no phone, laptop nor tv. All I do is read books and get myself back in the right headspace.
Press Pause and let Creativity take over.
3. There is only one you.
You need to care for yourself and understand that nobody will create what you've been creating. You are unique and so are your ideas. The main reason why you keep bumping against the same wall of resistance is because you're not doing what you should be doing - then the fear creeps in. It's fear that takes control and tells you you're not good enough but it's basic rewiring. It's your subconscious that tells you a truth that's not your truth any more. It tells you something that you believed when you were young but not any longer.
Did someone tell you how special you are already?
Keep telling yourself how much love you have for your mission. Remind yourself daily of the life you desire and then come back and create the next steps. Get yourself out there and you will be rewarded greatly. Don't be afraid to be yourself.
Love note: are you finding it hard to take time out for yourself? Have you been locked in fear that if you don't move nothing will happen for you in life? We would love to help you move past this fear through a 2 on 1 session. Please, have a look here.